flash-back

Being idle. Something that doesn't come naturally come to me. That is my indigence. But my back has a mind of its own. A will of its own. And sometimes it spasms-up in rebellion to the will of my mind...
Back-spasms are natures way of ensuring introspection. A way of ensuring compliance to its principles. Any deviance or disobedience is punished with a strong electrical impulse by the firing of millions of synapses on the neural network around the spine. Something we refer to as brain-numbing pain.
There you are. Resting on your bed. Laying there. No... that has a comfortable ring to it. I'd call it being horizontal. Giving you a different perspective of the world around you. In another plane. The ceiling overwhelmingly covers up your vision. Direct and peripheral. And you stare at it. Unflinching. Unforgiving. It stares back right at you. Into you.
What does it see?
It sees what you have blinded yourself. Beyond what you have yourself fooled. To believe. To remember. To forget. It sees the unseen. Beneath and beyond.
Underneath the Underneath.
Its imminent. Like chinese torture, wherein the gigantic tank of water hangs ominously over your head. But its attacks you, drop by drop. Teasing.Guffawing.Momentary yet infinite.
And so you are at mercy of your own sub-conscious.
Remember the back-ache. It serves another purpose. You cant fight the ceiling. Can't distract yourself. Can't read. Can't listen to you ipod. Cant call your 4 am friend. the phone seems trans-continental in distance. So you learn to fight the voices in your head. its like being thrown into the deep end. Into the vastness of the Ocean of memory.
As slabs of concrete peer into your sub-conscious, you have the overwhelming urge to get up. you cant. You want to lie down. But you don't want to. You have to make a choice.
Your back or your head. Neither will mercifully let you collapse into a pain-forgetting slumber.
So you put up with it. Take it as it comes. A lot like life itself.
Live it or die trying.