and thus she was drowned

It's been a while since I heard the voice of reason. It's been so long that I've even forgotten how it sounds... I remember it as a mix of a sober Amy Winehouse and the baritone of the Asian girl from Glee. Now you know why i decided to drown it out by pumping up the other voices in my head or an overdose of Beatlemania.

This voice is like when your grandmother tried to rub oil into your hair when you were a kid. You know its good for you. She knew its good for you. But you were too caught up in running from it, almost enjoying the cat and mouse chase. Well, sooner or later it does catch up with you and when it does you have some serious answering to do.

Last week, amid few tens of rounds of kingfisher and a couple of packs of lites, she finally caught up with me. Maybe i was too tired in the head from running; and boy, was she a pain in the backside.

Don't mistake me, I pride myself on cold reasoning and logic. But there are times, when i too have knelt before all that tends to make us human. At times, even i have thrown reason away into the winds to indulge in the lust of irrationality, albeit fleetingly.

As an instrument of my own ambition, i want it ALL and more but also as a constellation rooted in logic, i realize i can not have everything. Therein, in this two-way tug of war, my mental fabric is stretched, at times to its breaking point. Even as i beg for the tugging to stop, a part of me wants to see how far it can go? how far i could take it? what lays beyond my being snapped? Drum roll please.

And then she speaks, in a deep baritone, giving you exactly what you fear. Reason. telling you that you can have it all. or maybe you can but now is not the time. giving you first hand lessons in virtues of patience and perseverance, that and plain ole good luck.

A compass of logic that cuts into your skin each time it realigns. You have no choice but to hear her out. Like being stuck with a crying baby in a stuck lift. You have to absorb it in. She gives you the variables, you have to form the equation and solve your own shit. She doles out the cards, you have to play the round. that's where the buck stops.

Now, having heard her out, you have but two options. Listen and absorb reason and act accordingly. treading with caution.... or like Metallica puts it "...remember what she said" or drown it out and wait for the blow to come again next time. harder. swifter. deadlier. so what would you choose?

I dont know. All i know is that i threw my head back, plugged into some blues and ordered myself another round and promised to keep my date with the voice that would soon be drowned in a glug of lager.


A mind all logic is like a knife all blade - Rabindra Tagore